SELF-PROCLAIMED HYPOCRITE

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I hate writing formal emails, absolutely despise it. It's always this awkward ballet of avoiding sounding too forceful or arrogant while still being concise about your message. Also, don't get me started on using periods. They always sound SO despondent or serious that I end up interjecting random exclamation! points! in! my! emails! to! sound! more! chipper! When communicating with peers, it's so simple, so casual; nothing needs to be dressed up, and intentions are clear. But when conversing with adults age 40+, it's a completely different experience with much more tiptoeing and one that requires much more effort, since, as Pinker discussed, indirect speech has two purposes: to communicate AND maintain a relationship.

I'll provide an example. As a part of Step on Poverty's (a club I'm part of) business initiative, we often have to communicate with business owners through text or email. Recently, I was helping one of these businesses switch their work emails between owner accounts. This resulted in many texts as well as phone calls filled with whimperatives and polite speak. I practically have to adopt a formal persona with proper Capitalization and punctuation, in order to communicate in an acceptable manner.

It's not that I don't like working with these adults, but I feel that everything would be so much faster without humans' need for indirect speech. I wouldn't have to scrutinize every message to ensure that there's no way it could be interpreted negatively or fill my every request with "would you's" and "could you's." Although I may be a hypocrite because I too find myself expecting similar indirect speech from others, I sometimes really wish that direct speech was universally accepted. At least I wouldn't have to write anymore overly-enthusiastic formal emails!!

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